You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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