I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
