I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
