you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
