I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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