i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
