God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
