i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize