is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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