im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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