Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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