I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize