If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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