the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
