last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You are the jesus of drinking
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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