In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
