Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
