Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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