I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
