I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
