Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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