Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
