Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
