Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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