remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
