We're like a lot better than the average bears
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
