i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
