I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
