Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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