Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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