im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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