i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Vodka?
Forever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your penis caused this!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
