I'm really into asian looking animals
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
