would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
