I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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