how can u be prego again
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
