Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
