Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was born a porn star she said
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
