Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
