she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
