I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
