Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
