Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do herpes really smell.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
