You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
