Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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