Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize