wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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