i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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