my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
