I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
