I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Who did Billy Mays play for?
what day is it and did you see me today?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
