So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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