I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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