Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
