Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
