i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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