Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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