i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
