I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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