ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
