? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
