SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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