I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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