It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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