Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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