2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
