i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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