I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Randomize
