I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
