mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
