Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
