office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I did not marry a roomba.
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