oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
